SDR, I always thought that driving brought out the very worst behavior in people.
But I was wrong. Donald-loving seems to elevate the righteous hate to a whole other level.
But it's not just "them". He makes us feel the hate too. (Well, at least me)
I think the sheer absurdity of his candidacy gaining ANY traction at all is at the root of much of the outrage. A sad and ugly time for the USA.
Luckily, he is self-destructing as we speak. Politically at least, and maybe in other ways too. It won't be long now. I am honestly a little worried that it will end tragically for him. He is unstable.
.
elevate the hate
faces turn red on both sides
he's gonna blow soon
.
EDIT: Actually, he already blows, but you know what I mean.
(Spanky and SDR, Those were some great haikus above!)
He just gets worse by the day. He's so much more worse now than months ago when I thought he couldn't possibly sink any lower.
Did he ever hire a communications director to replace the one who quit (or got fired, i can't remember now)? I couldn't find any news item about a new one.
Meanwhile, to honor his 70th birthday (that's 70 going on 4) Jezebel published a list of 70 descriptive names they've used for him in the past:
Seagull dipped in tikka masala
Bursting landfill of municipal solid waste
Mountain of rotting whale blubber
Sputum-filled Orange Julius
Gangrenous gaping wound
Racist, sexist block of aged Cheddar
Oversized wasp exoskeleton stuffed with old mustard
Neo-fascist real estate golem
Abandoned roadside ham hock
Bewildered, golden-helmeted astronaut who’s just landed on this planet from a distant galaxy
Monument to human hubris crafted out of rotting Spam
A walking pile of reanimated roadkill
Heaving carcass
Stately hot dog casing
Flatulent leather couch
Swollen earthworm gizzard
Narcissistic bowl of rotten gazpacho
Yellowing hunk of masticated gristle
A human/Komodo dragon hybrid
Blackening scab artfully hiding in your Raisin Bran
“Taco truck”
A man who could one day become the first hobgoblin to enter the White House
A pair of chapped lips superglued to a hairball
Horsehair mattress stuffed with molding copies of Hustler
Malignant corn chip
Human Kinder Egg whose inner surprise is a tiny pebble of rat shit
The sculpture your three-year-old made out of soggy ground-up goldfish snacks
A man with the hair of a radioactive skunk
Roiling Cheez Whiz mass
Cryogenically frozen bog man
A glistening, shouting gristle mass with a history of saying terrible and stupid things
Screaming giant cheese wedge
Republican frontrunner and 250-pound accumulation of rancid beef
Day-Glo roadside billboard about jock itch
Temperamental gelatinous sponge
Sentient hate-balloon
A Rumpelstiltskin inflated with a bike pump and filled with bacteria
Sun-kissed ass plug
Self-tanning enthusiast
An enraged, bewigged fetus blown up to nightmarish size
Parental pile of burnt organic material
Human-shaped wad of Gak
Walking irradiated tumor
Uncooked chicken breast
KKK rally port-a-potty holding tank
Neon-tinted hellion
A plentiful field of dung piled into the shape of a presidential candidate
Malfunctioning wind turbine
Seeping fleabag
Sloshing styrofoam takeout container filled with three-day-old mac and cheese
A sticky, grabby, Cheeto-hued toddler with no sense of adult deportment
Figurative rubber, and also literal rubber
A carnivorous plant watered with irradiated bat urine
Sentient waste disposal plant
A disappointment
Poorly-drawn fascist
Racist teratoma
Lamprey eel spray-painted gold
A hair that you pluck, causing a cluster of hairs to sprout in its place
Sunken, corroding soufflé
Nacho cheese golem
Undead tangerine
A cartoon representation of Irritable Bowel Syndrome in a pharmaceutical ad
Fossilized meatball
Horking mole-creature suffering from radioactive spray-tan
Tattered Craigslist sofa
A full-grown Monopoly dog carefully balancing a spongecake atop his head
Play-Doh factory explosion
A new superfood made of finely-ground clown wigs
Unkempt troll doll found floating facedown in a tub of rancid Beluga caviar
And more, from an article in the Washington Post, which I'm sure hurt little Donald's feelers and may be partly behind his decision to ban them from covering his political events. I have bolded my faves.
1. The complex superstructure that is Donald Trump’s hair
2. A masterpiece whose guiding principal is a heroic desire to completely conceal the forehead
3. A thin sheath of perfectly placed strands
4. An abandoned nest
5. A hairspray labyrinth
6. It appears to be a comb-over, but, incredibly, it doesn’t arrive from any direction. You cannot stare at The Donald’s hair very long. It’s like staring into the sun.
7. A decomposing ear of corn
8. A corn husk doll cursed by a witch
9. An ambitious corn dog that escaped from the concession stand at a rural Alabama fairground, stole an unattended wig, hopped a freight train to Atlantic City and never looked back
10. The furrowed wake that a speedboat would leave on a lake of orange sherbet
11. A Mobius combover
12. [His hair] resembles the behavior of alpha chimps who, as primatologist Frans de Waal reports in ‘Chimpanzee Politics,’ make their hair stand on end in order to look large.
13. The male equivalent of a push-up bra
14. An upside-down Twitter logo
15. A mullet that died in some horrific accident
16. Carefully crafted helmet of fine gossamer, woven into a precise immovable template
17. Golden fleece
18. Dyed the nascent yellow of a baby chick
19. A hue best described as ‘Cigarette-stained-teeth blond’
20. The patriotic shade of amber waves of grain
21. A ginger forest
22. Orange fizz
23. Burnt Cheetos auburn
24. The same unplaceable tinge as the marble in the Trump Tower lobby
25. The ginger flank of Trump’s hair was plastered firm down at the sides, and a side parting had emerged. The back was long, straggly, and running free.
26. Orange and matted on the sides, and now white/silver, wispy, swept back, defying the laws of physics and practicality on top
27. More flyaways than LAX
28. More soft-serve swirl than Dairy Queen
29. An aggressive cowlick gone rogue
30. An unruly shrub
31. An unfortunate situation
32. This multidirectional comb-over is so complex that even engineers marvel at its structure. Resistant to wind and rain, NASA has looked at it as a possible Shuttle Shield.
33. The roll of sod that never looked quite right in your yard
34. Farcical follicle humiliation
35. Combed like he’s televangelist Benny Hinn
36. Like Biff, from “Back to the Future”
37. Like Lucille Ball
38. Like a troll doll
39. Dyson Airbladed
40. Norwegian bunch grass
41. Mexican feather grass
42. A South American Flannel caterpillar
43. The hair of 33 Barbie dolls
44. A hairpiece come to life
45. It is a flourish. On top, it flows forward to the forehead where it does a fine, serpentine U-turn, while along the sides it sweeps over the tops of his ears like rows of cirrus clouds.
46. [It] appears to be courting the women’s vote, combed on the left side of his head in the shape of a vagina.
47. A pancake hat
48. An omelet
49. Bread at the end of the loaf
50. A wavy slant that seems to defy gravity
51. White roots and light filaments wrapped and wrapped around the back of his head
52. An airboat skimming the Everglades
53. The halo of meticulously crafted bulls—
54. A Kangol hat made of spun sugar
55. What appears to be Daniel Boone’s mythical coonskin cap
56. A pumpkin having a nervous breakdown
57. Bolted down like a storm cellar door
58. Decomposing pumpkin pie inhabited by vicious albino squirrels
59. A viscous, bird-killing oil slick
60. Fine strands of gold-plated fur
61. A horse’s mane blowing in the wind
62. A dead skunk
63. A radioactive skunk.
64. A dead squirrel
65. A mutant squirrel
66. A beaver’s tail
67. A very well-behaved guinea pig
68. A badger sitting atop his head
69. An actual, live woodchuck
70. A dishrag that on closer inspection is alive with maggots
71. It may look like a dead gerbil, but it actually advertises both his vanity (hence, his humanness) and his imperviousness to ridicule. It would qualify as the most original Washington haircut since Ronald Reagan went prematurely orange.
72. A dead, furry lobster
73. Diffused, unsavory salmon
74. Artless
75. Banjo strings
76. That thing
77. That construction
78. That curious thatch, which he wears longer than most men of his generation who are not in a ’70s revival band.
79. A small straw hut
80. Wisps of insulation material
81. Best left to an architectural critic
82. A face on the top of his head. A twin, all but absorbed in the womb. The eyes move. The lips quiver.
83. Buttery-fluffed
84. Souffle’d
85. Miraculous, restorative-powered
86. Epic and luxuriant mop
87. Billowing golden pompadour
88. Weird piece of velcro
89. Strange phenomenon
90. A glowing orb presiding over the night’s spectacle
91. A creation consisting of two different parts, like an Ikea shelf
92. A comb-over from hell
93. The new wave of comb-overs, [which] drops the lie and the shame and just asks onlookers to marvel at the scale, vision and depth of the comb-over you’ve just created.
94. The grotesque, exhibitionist, peacocky mutation that adorns his skull
95. The Trump Crosshatch (TM)
96. A mound of cotton candy
97. A bridal-level updo
98. A blow-dried confection
99. An inter-dimensional, gravity-warping vortex
100. “Hair”
I think Spanky's lists are just in time for the conclusion of this lost candidate.
The lists illustrate how the names given to his hair have become seamlessly fused with the names for the entire Donald. Spanky, thank you. What a proud time in American history, ay?
Well, at least Mark is looking excellent today!
I'm going to make a bumper sticker that reads MARK FOR PRESIDENT, and see how many people know exactly who I am talking about. It will be a grass roots effort. And we will finally have authentic Herman Miller in the White House, along with the daily presidential snaps of the Commander-in-Chief's festive pants-based ensembles.
I'd vote for Mark! In some capacity, at least! Secretary of the Interior, maybe? I don't think Trump has much chance of winning, given he's failed to start acting more presidential now that the nomination seems a given and is in fact growing more mad with power with each passing day. But imagine him as President and Mark selling himself as a distinguished retired investment banker in a bid to be appointed to the cabinet, and Trump not spending two seconds on vetting because he's too busy talking about what a great job he himself is doing. And then Mark gets into office and immediately lets loose his true and wonderful subversive self! Trump would would be SO confused.
Or maybe Supreme Court judge. That bunch could use a little loosening up.
Meanwhile, did y'all see this?
JUNE 15--An online vandal using the name “Guccifer 2.0” has claimed credit for the recent hacking of the Democratic National Committee’s servers and has provided The Smoking Gun with documents stolen during the illegal operation, including a 237-page opposition research report on Donald Trump.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/crime/dnc-hacker-leaks-trump-oppo...
I have skimmed the first 60-70 pages so far and its seems to be a compilation of Stupid Stuff Trump Has Said and Done---just gleaned from news reports. I have learned a few things that I wasn't aware of before, though--like that he actually said he was gonna do away with the Dept. of Education and leave all that stuff up to the states. [sarcasm] Which would be GREAT because then teachers wouldn't be able to teach that totally bogus theory of evolution anymore! At least not everywhere! [/sarcasm]
Shucks.
Would I need a full set of teeth? Could I raise chickens on Pennsylvania Ave? What about my left foot having 6 toes? Plus I do like to take a drink (and I inhale), and I might possibly have a sordid past, I can't remember. But how kind of you.
Fondly,
Your Aunt Mark
ps I like my shorts today. Hi.
I like your shorts today, too, Mark -- especially the south wing. Speaking of chickens, I want one of those bumper stickers Eameshead is going to make, to represent you on the road here in California. (Maybe you'll nix the idea when you see my car. I don't have a 1959 Studebaker Lark hardtop coupé in turquoise with turquoise interior -- sadly.)
I'm about to install my new monitor, so I'll wait to read all the other good stuff posted by loved ones, above . . .
Why thank you my dear! My old Ford pick up truck (1971 with snow plow attached) is my only vehicle with a bumper sticker..actually 2). Left side has a tattered "I've been to Ruby Falls", and right side reads "Wisconsin Dells". It's so romantic! Oh and the back window has a crackled "Ducks Unlimited" decal (but no gun rack). Gun racks scare me. Snow plows excite me. Men fear me. Gucci loves me. Smells intrigue me. Hi.
Fondly,
Your Aunt Mark
Six toes no biggie
as long as we don't go down
bloody cheddar road
.
a puff of smoke in
white house is a welcome treat
compared to spam chunk
.
cheeze WHIZ MASS is a
bad look for a president
MARK WINS IN LANDSLIDE
.
.
.
(50.1% to 49.9% is the new landslide, but not complaining)
SPANKY FOR VEEP
SDR FOR CHIEF OF STAFF
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